When you say she’s stubborn, CZ, what do you mean exactly? That she won’t talk about it with you? Or that she won’t go to a doctor? If she won’t speak about it with you, has she given you any reason why? Do you think you know why, if that is the case?
And if she is being stubborn and won’t see a physician, what is her reason why?
When you say you’ve hit rough patches and arguments that she still dwells on, why is that? Does she feel the issues were never resolved? Often, if women feel issues haven’t been resolved, it may appear that she’s just “dwelling on them” when in reality, they are still very much alive and well to her. Is that the case?
What has she said regarding those issues?
If you are a 30 year old man, I understand that you would want sex a lot. Most men and women as well, are very sexually active in their 30s. So, you’re certainly not a bad person for wanting sex. However, since there are issues preventing that from happening, then that’s what you need to focus on, rather than your lack of sex.
I realize that’s probably easy for me to say because I’m not 30 years old and still wanting sex. But, if there are issues that aren’t being addressed, until they are, it’s unlikely that sex will resume for you.
I would caution you not to make your lack of sex the bigger issues here. It is certainly an issue and you don’t need to apologize for that. But, using guilt or shame to get what you want, is not going to further your cause. It seems to me you need to get down to the issues which are causing your wife to be “stubborn” as you put it, and “dwell on issues.”
It sounds to me like your answers and sexual relief will lie in your ability to solve those problems.