posted from: http://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/35-symptoms-of-perimenopause-loss-of-libido/#comment-31457

Hi Magnolia,

glad I found this site these past few months I’ve been so heartbroken, confused and stressed. I met a woman who I totally fell for, im 35 and shes 50 I cut things off with us and since we’ve been going back an forward talking about what to do. I didn’t know she was my ideal woman until I met her, friends advised me against it talking about the big M. Well I talked myself into it thinking at least I would spend the rest of my life with a good woman. Anyway the stress got to me and I got the fear and cut it off and been struggling with it since. Reading about the effects has freaked me out, most men go through it with their wives they’ve been with for years and I don’t understand their complaints because they’ve had their time together.

My ex couldn’t understand why and I didn’t want to say in case it hurt her feelings or freaked her out, I did mention it as a worry saying she would lose feelings for me but didn’t state it as the reason. She said many times that we should just ‘ see how it goes ‘ and I would love to see how it goes but its too risky and I can only see it going downhill, I mean its just nature isn’t it? it would go from one place to another far too soon. She was so affectionate and there was a lot of passion, we had sex a lot so I don’t know if she was peri or not she didn’t show any signs of it but its not like I asked her ( again its not something you talk about ).

The effects seem like a double whammy and that’s what’s so risky about it, the loss of sex drive plus the depression etc. would make it a very messy and long drawn out process, not something easy to walk away from ( its already caused this much trouble and we only went out 2 months ). The thing is there’s no guarantee about how it will affect her and that’s whats been driving me mental. But again I seriously doubt that you can build a relationship during that time of a womans life.

It’s not just about sex or me getting to orgasm, I mean I can use my hand for that. Its about the intimacy, affection and passion that comes with it. If that goes then things would become stale and we would go from lovers to friends and I don’t want to hurt her. Never realised till now how much sex and desire is tied in with love. My friend told me its just my hormones and ‘ thinking with you know what ‘. Makes you wonder what love is at all because I’ve read comments from women here talking about how their affection goes for their husbands and this is because they don’t have as much hormones as they used to.

It is such a cruel thing , glad im not a woman it seems like a dividing line as in it makes you officially old ( im sorry if that sounds insensitive). Is just seeing how it goes a good idea? Probably too late now as I’ve made a right mess of things. I sometimes think that If you don’t meet your highschool sweetheart then your love life wont run very smoothly. Don’t think people are going in the right direction nowadays, always looking over the fence thinking the grass is always greener. It might not have been perfect for folk of my grandparents generation but I don’t think they encountered these type of problems that people are having now around this issue.

Cursing my luck now, im gonna be comparing any women I meet to her now. She was so kind and unspoilt. I don’t find girls of my age to be anything like that.

Regards
Jim