People with diabetes live their lives with numbers; HbA1c, glucose meter readings, weight, lab results, etc. It sucks, to be honest. But I noticed something this morning that made me stop and think, that in a way, those numbers can lie to us.
Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt “thin”? I am far from thin, but sometimes I just feel skinny. I’m not bloated, I have energy, my clothes aren’t tight and I just feel good! One of the worst things I can do on those days is to step on the scale, but I often do. If the number on that scale doesn’t jive with how I’m feeling then I can begin to feel bad. My mind tells me, “Who are you fooling? You’re not thin!” Well, duh, I thought we’d already established the fact that I’m not thin! But that darn number can begin to niggle at my good mood and bring me down.
This morning I feel thin and I didn’t step on the scale! (Yeah me!) I started my coffee and stumbled into my office to check my blood glucose, like I always do. 151 WHA??? I ate reasonably last night, my fasting numbers have been slightly better than my normal lately and now this? My good mood from feeling thin today vanished when I saw that number.
“I guess I’m not doing as well as I thought. Maybe I should step on the scale and see for myself. Maybe I’ll eat ice cream and potato chips today. Why not?”
Those may not be the actual thoughts I had this morning but I’ve definitely had them before. One stupid, unexpected number on my meter or the scale or a lab report can cause me to doubt my ability to deal with this frickin disease.
I’ve been reading a bit about depression and anxiety lately and one of the things I’ve seen over and over again from people who live with those conditions is that they lie. Depression lies (not the people who have it). It tells your brain things that just aren’t true and can cause you to sink deeper into depression. I feel as if the numbers we live with as people with diabetes lie to us as well.
These numbers are important and we need to pay attention to them, but we shouldn’t let them control how we feel about our progress. Our numbers are signposts. (Here’s where I shout out to Christel . She used this idea of numbers as signposts at the Las Vegas UnConference this past spring. Brilliant.) What does that mean? It means that the number on your meter is just a sign of how things are going this minute. It’s not a judgement. It’s not any indication that you’ve done something “wrong”. It’s just a number that helps you make decisions about your diabetes care moving forward. The 151 on my meter this morning shouldn’t taunt me and make me feel as if I’ve screwed up. It just tells me to eat low carb today and drink lots of water and go for a walk. That’s all. I still feel “skinny” and I won’t step on that scale!!
Think about this scenario: A newly diagnosed PWD has an HbA1c of 10. Three months later that number has gone down to 8. Wow! That’s wonderful news! However, if someone who knew nothing about that person’s journey saw an 8 they might think that person wasn’t doing very well. That 8 was lying to that outsider but it’s a great signpost for the patient. They’re doing a great job!
They’re just numbers; numbers on a scale or glucose meter, it doesn’t matter. Just. Numbers. Don’t let them lie to you and cause you to feel any differently about how you’re doing. Go ahead; feel skinny!